Never one to let the grass grow under his feet, the Insurance Blogger had a right chuckle at the thorny conflict between HSBC Bank and the furrowed foreheads at Saga.

HSBc reckons garden loving homeowners are shrugging off their economic woes to shell out a massive £3.9 billion on grand designs to landscape and dress up their plots.

In a shocking revelation, HSBC discloses with undisguised astonishment that a third of homeowners grow fruit and vegetables.

The average spend per gardener is around £185 a year.

HSBC claims people are falling back in love with their gardens and spending money to try to improve the look and value of their homes.

HSBC’s Peter Dockar said: “This is set to be a memorable year with many households holding garden parties. Britain has traditionally had a love affair with gardens but with households facing financial pressures, people have to make difficult decisions about where to spend their cash.

“Budget for non-essential items has gone down in favour of general improvements, including landscape projects. Improving the general outlook of the garden can not only boost quality of life but also help to increase property value.”

Enter those spoil sports from Saga.

They reckon 1 in 8 over 50s has had a garden thief nick tools, ornaments or furniture, running up average home insurance claims of £620 as time.

Call the Insurance Blogger a cynic, but it seems to me that Saga is raining on the HSBC parade by weeding out some detrimental data.

Surely Saga is saying that a significant amount of that £3.9 billion spend actually comes from insurance companies paying out to cover crime claims from gardeners, not from an increase in spending.

The trouble is slow moving traffic and some older cars that need some TLC tend to boil over or stop running in the wide open spaces of the enclosures.

Even if you have breakdown insurance, the mechanic is unlikely to want to come and hitch up your broken down car in the middle of a prowling lions looking for a snack.

If you are planning a day out in the wilds of a drive-through safari park, then check your oil, tyre, water, coolant and fuel levels…before you go in.

At least you can try to avoid those pesky baboons and monkeys from destroying your car – unless it’s a Hyundai.

Apparently, the firm decided to stress test the latest i30 hatchback by letting several baboons go wild.

The makers wanted to see how fittings inside and out stood up to a battering, so they left one unlocked and open in Knowsley Safari Park, Merseyside, for 10 hours.

When the team returned, they were surprised to see the features designed to stand up to the most destructive and messy of passengers, like extra strong interior plastics, easy-wipe surfaces and reinforced fixtures and fittings were almost untouched.

So what happens if you breakdown with lions roaming nearby?

Don’t worry too much, but do stay in the car. Safari parks have special rescue teams to tow broken down cars to safety, but once out of the enclosure, you will need to arrange a tow, which is where breakdown cover comes in handy.

One warden at West Midlands Safari Park broke down in an enclosure was pushed out of the gates by a passing African elephant who decided to lend a helping trunk – she even gave the car a wash and blow dry with her trunk.

The whole idea of insurance is to protect against the risk of something happening – like a fire, flood, theft or car crash.

The transaction is fairly straightforward – the person buying cover pays in and if anything untoward happens that is covered by the policy, the insurer pays out.

Take the luck of Irishman Gerry McDonagh – he was spending sometime at the Irish equivalent of Her Majesty’s pleasure when his car was stolen, by his son, and burned out by an unknown third party.

Because our Gerry was behind bars, the car was not reported stolen, so the insurer Axa, declined a €24,000 pay out.

Gerry decided to protest outside the insurer’s office on hunger strike – but he obviously got peckish and popped home after a couple of days and hasn’t returned.

His son can’t be quizzed over what happened – he went in the family’s revolving prison door as dad stepped out for an unrelated assault offence.

Add to this the confession by 780,000 people that they have defrauded their insurance by making a false claim that has never been detected.

Their idea of insurance is a saving plan that pays out when you need a few bob when times are bad.

The Insurance Blogger is more reluctant to sell his soul and figures working a bit harder to earn some extra cash is a better long-term solution to debt problems.

In the end, defrauding insurers comes down to opportunity. If someone believes they are going to get away with some easy money, then the temptation is to ignore the risks and take what you can.

That’s probably why insurers deal with 1,500 unprovable whiplash claims every day that have add £90 a year to everyone’s insurance premiums.

Who says crime doesn’t pay – it seems like the Insurance Blogger is handing over a fair amount of cash for everyone else’s bad deeds.

The talking shop was billed as a roundtable summit between politicians and industry movers and shakers that would solve problems.

The result was a big, fat zero for motorists who are unlikely to see the cheap car insurance they hoped for.

The meeting, in Whitehall, London, was talked up as a council of war against crash-for-cash fraudsters who have milked millions from innocent drivers with their spurious whiplash claims.

But after the talks, the minister admitted no one really had a solution to the industry’s problems.

“There is no one silver bullet to tackling fraudulent whiplash claims or reducing young driver premiums but we have already taken decisive action by banning referral fees, reforming no-win no-fee rules and cracking down on fraud,” said Greening.

“We will also work with industry to take full advantage of the use of telematics, or in-car black boxes, to give young people a greater choice of options if they want to drive.”

In other words, talk about car insurance turns out to be much cheaper than buying a policy, especially for younger drivers.

The government blames motorists for driving up the cost of premiums by profiting from a compensation culture that has pushed up claims by 70% in the last five years.

Around 1,500 whiplash claims are made every day, which cost the insurance industry £2 billion last year – equivalent to £90 on every driver’s premium.

Insurance companies claim disputing whiplash claims is  almost impossible.

Measures discussed at the talks included a ban on claims from drivers travelling at less than 10mph, a ban on referral fees paid to personal injury lawyers and ways for insurers to dispute claims rather than make out-of-court payments.

The drivers aged 17 to 25 years old were asked how smartphones and social media distracted them while driving by telematics insurer Ingenie.

Six out of 10 told the survey that they agreed that smartphone apps are causing young people to be more distracted at the wheel.

Besides admitting playing the games, they also admitted:

●      Answering phones while driving without a hands-free set (40%)

●      Sending text messages (44%)

●      Reading incoming texts while driving (62%)

●      Crashing due to using a mobile while driving (15%)

●      Logging in to Facebook while driving (33%)

●      Playing Draw something (18%) or Angry Birds (17%) while driving

The research also revealed that installing hands-free kits encouraged drivers to make longer phone calls while driving

A Ingenie spokesman said: “The results collected from the survey suggest that the increasing range of apps and functionality available on mobile devices is contributing to young driver distraction – even mobile games, which take a high level of concentration are taking young people’s attention away from the roads.”

The research has prompted Ingenie to start a ‘Don’t Drive Distracted’ campaign on Twitter to raise awareness of how smartphone abuse can lead to road accidents.

The campaign is supported by leading sports and entertainment personalities, including Match of the Day presenter gary Lineker, comedian and film star Omid Djalili and Formula One racing driver Bruno Senna.

The insurer will donate £1 to Roadsafe for each person pledging to stop driving with distractions in their car.

Telematics is a black-box recorder fitted to a car to track driver performance behind the wheel. Technology rates the driver and sets the cost of car insurance cover according to the score.

The average cost of cover direct from insurers at the end of March was £1,132 – down 1.1% on the cost of the same cover at the end of 2011, while the same cover cost an average £737 from a comparison site – a fall of 4.3%.

The motoring organisation keeps a price watch on car insurance offered by a range of insurers and comparison sites.

To the year ending March 31, 2012, the average cost of comprehensive car insurance rose 7.7%, which is the lowest increase since 2008.

Young male drivers aged 17 – 22 saw premiums fall by nearly 1% over the quarter , while those for young women increased by 4.8%.

Simon Douglas, director of AA Insurance, warns that the factors that drove premiums up are still lurking in the shadows.

“The industry is still having to deal with fraud as well as increasing numbers of personal injury claims, despite the number of crashes falling. Industry costs continue to rise at around 10% per year,” he said.

“I can’t see this drop in premiums being sustainable for long.  My fear is that if prices do continue to drop, we’ll see a repeat of 2009, when industry losses led to premiums suddenly rocketing up following a long period of little movement.

“We are already beginning to see the number of uninsured drivers coming down due to better police detection and the introduction of Continuous Insurance Enforcement legislation last year.

“In addition, insurers are getting smarter at dealing with and exchanging information about fraud, while the new police Insurance Fraud Enforcement Unit is making significant progress in tackling insurance fraud such as cash-for-crash scams.”

Douglas also warns the European Court of Justice ruling stops insurers calculating insurance premiums on gender.

“After December, young women can expect to see premium increases of up to 25%,” he said.

The answer insurance companies would have you believe is based on a personal quote that takes account of your gender, age, driving experience, car and where you live.

However, shopping around produces a huge variation in prices dressed up in different ways.

For instance, some brokers will discount car insurance by offering a share of their commission as a cash-back.

Coupon sites snip away at the price by offering cash off.

Car insurance comparison sites sing out how much cheaper they are on endless TV and radio commercials.

Sorting out the cheapest cover seems to depend on how much time a driver will spend shopping around the various web sites.

Take the cost of Aviva insurance – Quidco, the UK’s self-proclaimed leading cashback and voucher site is offering £65 cashback with 15 weeks of free car insurance plus a £25 cashback bonus if you buy two or more Aviva products in the same month.

While Aviva is offering 15 weeks of free car insurance if you buy online or 10 weeks of free car insurance if you buy over the phone to new customers who have at least a four year no claim discount on their existing car insurance policy.

How does a consumer easily compare those costs?

The Insurance Blogger’s advice is don’t fall for these marketing ploys – work out the cover you need from a car insurance policy and make a short list of providers who can offer that cover or at least something pretty close to what you want.

Once you have a shortlist of at least three insurers, call them direct for their best price and compare like with like costs.

The alternative is sitting down with a spreadsheet and calculator dealing with calculations to work out the cost of car insurance that rival Fermat’s Last Theorem – and remember that took around 350 years to solve.

Workers at 500 firms were asked about how their employers could best deal with personal problems – and two-thirds answered offering them flexitime would help the most.

Surprisingly, 45% of workers confessed they had taken time off to handle personal issues.

Besides more flexible hours, 28% would like subsidised gym membership and 19% want to join healthy living clubs – such as those promoting weight loss – through their workplace.

“With so few people appearing to be given support with flexible working practices and maintaining a healthy diet, there is a clear opportunity for employers to set themselves apart and show how much they care about their employees’ welfare,” said Paul Avis of insurer Canada Life.

“A few small steps in this direction can cost very little but make a big difference.”

Meanwhile, separate research by insurance giant Aviva also revealed the scale of absenteeism at work.

The firm paid out £29.5 million in income protection cover last year – with psychiatric conditions topping the claims list.

Almost one in three claims (28%) related to a psychiatric condition – moderate depression was the most common (28%), followed by anxiety (15%) and stress (12%).

Orthopaedic conditions came second (21%), with neurological disorders (18%) third.

The average age for claims was 45 years old for men and 43 for women.

Almost half of the insurer’s income protection pay outs were to claimants who had been of work for 10 years.

Aviva UK Health head of income protection, Will Kentish, said: “As the government’s changes in employment support allowance take effect, we’d encourage people to consider how they can ensure a regular income for as long as they would need, if they were prevented or restricted from working due to illness or injury.”

How much should I insure my home for?

The confusion lies with how a home is valued for buildings insurance. Forget the value from an estate agent, it’s the rebuild cost you need from a surveyor.

The rebuild cost does not include the land the home stands on but does cover the cost of clearing the site of debris, if required.

How is the rebuild cost calculated?

If you have just bought your home, the surveyor’s valuation will include the rebuild figure.

The Association of British Insurers (ABI) has a calculator online

Remember adding an extension or special design features may change the cost, and so will building with specific materials, like stone only available from certain quarries.

Does the insurer need to know about improvements?

The insurer will want to know if the risk is changed – major renovations may leave the property insecure, builders could damage the property or contents and you may move out leaving the home unoccupied for an extended period.

If the improvements increase the value of your home, they may alter the rebuild cost, so needs to be notified as well.

What is storm damage and how does it affect claims?

Insurers keep weather records to confirm how bad the weather was when damage was caused. Most would not expect the weather to damage a home except under exceptional circumstances, like an earthquake, hurricane or freezing conditions.

Does buildings insurance cover wear and tear?

No. Day to day maintenance is not covered by buildings insurance. Homeowners have a n obligation to look after their property, in the same way drivers should maintain their cars and not expect insurers to pay for the brakes and tyres when they wear out.

After several hours at the keyboard, endless telephone calls from hopeless sales people and some personable and genuine help from a broker, the cheapest car insurance was offered by the firm I was already with.

The game goes like this -

• Insurance bloke sends the Insurance Blogger a neatly typed renewal offering basic cover at an extortionate price

• Insurance Blogger phones up and meekly suggests a cheaper option. Insurer guffaws loudly and raises excess to stratospheric heights of £500 to knock a tenner off the quote.

• Insurance Blogger sighs and replaces phone to begin endless round of comparison web site data input.

• Nice lady broker then offers cover with the same insurer the Blogger is already with at a cheaper price, claiming she can do this by giving me a £100 of the commission the insurer pays them for the new business.

• Blogger phones insurance firm and points out inanity of the process – then insurer says ‘calm down, it’s only insurance’ and explains they were only joking with the original renewal cost and stratospheric excess and of course they don’t want to lose me as a customer.

• Then, they reduce cost of renewal and throw in add-on cover like a hire car and legal expenses for free.

• Overall result – a £50 discount on insurance without reducing cover or increasing excess.

The extra cash is handy for the bottle of scotch and headache tablets to calm the stress suffered  – not to mention the cost of unnecessary phone calls.

When I can bring myself to watch a car insurance ad on TV without triggering post-traumatic stress and the gibbering heebie jeebies, I’ll consider arranging breakdown cover as well.